School of The Rock™

Characteristics of Abusive  Leadership

Written by Paul Race

Editor’s Note:  As a Bible-believing Christian, I believe with my whole heart that God wants us to live in harmony and spiritual fellowship with like-minded believers who can encourage us and accomplish more for the kingdom of God together than we can separately.  If I seem to write a lot about things that break churches or hurt members, it’s because those things are wrong and disrupt God’s plan, not because church itself is bad for people - it is good for most people who belong, and should be good for everybody.  Unfortunately, there are glitches, hiccups, and sometimes outright wrongdoing.  It doesn’t serve the interest of the church or its members to allow such issues to go unaddressed until they become the defining characteristic of the church or of any person’s relationship with fellow believers. 

If you see yourself or your experiences in any of our articles about possible church problems, I want to say that I’m sorry you’ve had such experiences, that they are not God’s plan, and that being hurt by a church or by specific church leaders or members should not put you off of the notion of fellowship. 

God has created us to need other people, to encourage each other in Christ, and to help others to grow in the Lord.  One bad church experience, or five, doesn’t change that.  But I have to take exception to those who claim that you owe any church whose leadership knowingly hurts you and your relationship with Him your service, your tithe, your membership, or your blind obedience. 

Sadly, churches can go wrong, or turn a blind eye when members hurt other members, and so on.  And it doesn’t serve any good purpose to pretend that never happens, or to tell people who’ve been hurt that the problem is all in their head or some such, as often occurs.  Thus the hard talk about hard subjects.  God called you to everlasting life, and keeping you in fellowship with Him is far more important that keeping you in a toxic relationship with other folks who claim to have some hold over you.

We now return you to our regularly scheduled article - Paul 

This page is a sort of appendix to our article “What is Spiritual Abuse.” It is actually taken from something else I wrote years ago, but I find it makes a useful checklist in case someone wonders whether their church leadership has abusive tendancies, or may be on track to developing them.

Having one or a few of these characteristics does not mean that your pastor is necessarily abusive.  But having many of them may mean that his or her personality is potentially more prone to abusive behavior than the average person.

May God bless, guide, and heal you!

Paul Race

SchoolOfTheRock.com

• Leaders whose preaching frequently emphasizes submission and obedience.
• Leaders who answer to no one, or else claim they are “accountable” to a group of hand-picked people who wouldn’t dare disagree with them.
• Leaders who stifle critical thinking.
• Leaders who are prone to new “revelations” or fringe doctrines that members must accept without question.
• Leaders who typically place women into greater servitude than men, by holding them to a stricter “dress code,” discouraging them from seeking career skills, or telling them never to question their husbands or church leaders.
• Leaders who behave as if a person’s faith is only valid if it is practiced in that particular fellowship or demonstrated through “officially sanctioned” activities.
• Leaders who encourage their flock to limit access to information from outside the group, including news media, “secular” organizations, or even friends or relatives outside the church.
• Leaders who distrust other spiritual teaching even within their own churches. For example, they may insist that “small groups” spend their time rehashing the pastor’s sermon notes, rather than studying, say, a book of the Bible, without the pastor “looking over their shoulder,” as it were.
• Leaders who silence critics with accusations of hidden or at least intangible “sins” like pride, jealousy, unforgiveness, or a “spirit of rebellion.”
• Leaders who browbeat people into “confession and repentance” of imaginary sins.
• Leaders who imply that leaving the fellowship would mean leaving God or losing His protection, or that God will judge members and their families who leave.
• Leaders who blame the problems of ex-members on God’s judgment against them for leaving.
• Leaders who encourage members to shun or otherwise mistreat ex-members or members that they claim are in rebellion.
• Leaders whose ‘concern for others’ is limited to those who are contributing to the leader’s personal or organizational agenda.
• Counseling patterns that re-victimize victims of abuse, such as telling victims of abuse to ‘forgive’ and keep silent about it, then accusing them of unforgiveness or rebellion if they aren’t entirely successful in hiding their own pain.
• Leaders who are constantly “grading” everyone else’s “spirituality,” and who never seem to be satisfied with what they see.
• Leaders who must dominate every aspect of interpersonal relationships, such as always having the last word, or winning every argument.”
• Leaders who insist they know more about God’s will for members’ lives than the members do.
• Leaders who insist that they know more about what’s good for the children in the congregation than their own parents.
• Leaders who insist on members conforming to “one-size-fits-all” responses to life choices such as educational or career decisions, regardless of the members’ needs and circumstances. 
• Leaders who encourage or enforce conformity on a wide range of beliefs and practices, even regarding areas that are inconsequential or highly personal.

 If anyone tells you “it’s not your job” to determine whether you are in a toxic situation, you have your answer.  Run, do not walk.

Also, if you want to tell me that I’m preaching false doctrine by saying that God gave adult Christians responsibility for their own and their family’s spiritual well-being, feel free to contact me and explain my mistake.

All material, illustrations, and content of this web site are copyrighted (c) 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019 by Paul D. Race. All rights reserved.

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