Changing churches question for engaged couple
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Author:  paulrace [ Wed Jan 20, 2016 3:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Changing churches question for engaged couple

A reader writes:

I've got a question related to changing churches. Ive been dating my current boyfriend, only for three months however it has been very serious right from the beginning. We are both born again Christians who are dedicated to living for the Lord, and so right from the beginning of the relationship we were both clear that we wanted this relationship to head to marriage. During our time going through questions we should go through before marriage, the fact that we attend different churches came up. He grew up in his church, his father pastors in the church and most of his family and friends go to the church, he is not willing to leave his church. Whereas I didn't grow up my church. However i do have a special connection with my church, because I made the choice to attend that church. I am however somewhat open to leaving mine but I think its unfair that I am and he isn't.

Am i just afraid of hurting my pride and ego? And do you think that this is a valid enough reason to leave my church, where my friends and family attend and later on in life, once we're married attend his, and raise our children in?

Thank you for your response.


Thank you for getting in touch.

I might ask if there are any huge doctrinal differences between the two churches? If that's not an issue, then the next question to ask is relates to your fiance's relationship to his family. Does it seem healthy, or does his father seem to be in charge of things in and out of the pulpit? Most specifically, does his father seem strongly opposed to his son changing churches for any reason? If that's so, there might be other demands you won't see right away. You could be setting yourself up for having to satisfy unrealistic expectations both in and out of the church.

Or are you sensing that you'll be "smothered" by his family if you marry into his church and family at the same time. His last name isn't Dugger is it? :-) Do you sense a sort of "group-think" among the family when they get together, with the father having the last word on every decision or discussion? Then you may be right to think that your relationship would be healthier if your fiance was willing to LEAVE his father and mother.

Of course, I may just be projecting things I've seen in other situations onto yours.

I've seen this go both ways, and I don't have enough information to say exactly what you should do, outside of praying about it and paying attention to your "gut." Yes, the Spirit of God can speak to us that way, too.

God bless you and help you to continue to be a blessing,

Paul Race

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